First off though, I want to send all of those struggling a huge virtual hug. I know what you are going through. I know the months of longing for a child and seeing all your friends get pregnant, have the baby, and sometimes even watch them get pregnant again. And there you sit with your arms still empty. My heart hurts for you. Please feel free to send me a message if you just need someone to commiserate with you.
Jason and I decided to start trying for a family in December 2009. I got off the pill and quickly became obsessive over charting. After a few months of having no cycle, I decided to see my OB to make sure everything was ok. She prescribed Clomid for 3 months to see if that would jump start my body and help me to conceive. Three months and three negative tests later, my OB referred me to reproductive specialist. We went to the RE doctor where I was diagnosed with PCOS, but we had a game plan, and I left hopeful. In August 2010, we had our first IUI and 2 weeks later found out we were pregnant! We were ecstatic and so thankful. The next 13 weeks went by fast, and the next thing I knew we were at our last 1st trimester appointment. Jason and I were excited to see our little one on the screen that day. I remember that day vividly - the tech pulled out the wand and begin taking measurements but was really quiet. She left the room and came back in with the doctor who told me they couldn't find a heart beat. He was gone - just like that. I had a D&C and begin to grieve the little one we would never know this side of heaven.
Two weeks after our loss
We went back to my RE who told me that the miscarriage shouldn't have happened that late since he was genetically normal, and we had seen the heart beat 3 separate times. He wanted to run tests on me. Two months later, we found out that I had several clotting disorders that possibly could have caused a clot in the placenta. The fix was extra folic acid, a baby aspirin and heparin every day in our next pregnancy. The next few months were filled with 2 failed IUIs and recovering still from our loss. In July 2011, our 4th IUI was a success and we were pregnant again! I felt like everything was under control with this one. I couldn't wait to meet our little one in just 9 short months.
But that was not the plan that happened. A week later we lost our 2nd baby. To say that I was depressed was an understatement. One miscarriage I could handle but now 2. Two. I was in the category of women that no one wanted to be. A statistic. My heart was heavy. We headed to NYC soon after, and I drowned my sorrows in good food and Starbucks coffee.
We decided to take a break that fall because I couldn't handle any more heart break. After Thanksgiving we decided to start trying again, and we had our 5th IUI in December. The day after Christmas we received the best news - we were pregnant! Those 9 months were the longest months of my life. To be honest, I was always so nervous something was going to happen. But GOD IS SO GOOD and in August 2012, we welcomed the most wonderful beautiful miracle into the world. Our little E. She is a living testament to God's faithfulness.
I hope you find encouragement in this story. That even in the despair that you're happy ending is coming. I always found it encouraging that throughout the Bible there are stories of women who were infertile (Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth) and yet God saw them and he heard them and He granted their requests. He hears your cries to become a mother. God is so faithful and He has not forgotten you. I'm praying for you even if I don't know your name.
